That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
