I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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