I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
