yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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