Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
