I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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