The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
