I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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