Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize