ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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