You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
