i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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