In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
