hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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