white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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