fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
