He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
