You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
