Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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