That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize