Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
