Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
