i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
