So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
