this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You made out with two different species that night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
