wakey wakey hands off snakey
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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