bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
