maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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