Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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