cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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