do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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