is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
