Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
