Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize