Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
