It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
