i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize