I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
