Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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