When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
