She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
