Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
