my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize