I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
