i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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