I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
