I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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