So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
