You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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