he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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