someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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