So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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