I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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