I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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