i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
