I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
