I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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