I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
