I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
