I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
