i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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