i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize