Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
