We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
