first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is Oprah even human
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
