i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize