bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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