Screwed.edu
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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