I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
