OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
