Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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