She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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