Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
