Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
