i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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