Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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