cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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