Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
