allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
