the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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