you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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