one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize