There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize