she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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