"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize