I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
